Embarrassment

the middle school wound that is still holding me back as an adult

Tuesday, July 8, 2025 14:39

I was embarrassed I didn’t have all the answers. I used to show up and not want to be critiqued for my work. I stood strong in my ego.

All that did was mess with my nervous system and get in my own way of success.

Trying to dissect where this even came from, I start to think of when I was back in middle school.

We were always encouraged and motivated to get that perfect score. If I got anything less, I was made to feel really bad about it.

I was made to feel less.

I was ashamed.

I was not validated.

This subconsciously has primed me to feel embarrassed as an adult when I publicly fail, or put myself out there and don’t have all the answers or get that perfect score.

But now, the stakes aren’t getting scolded by a teacher or a parent, the stakes are much higher. It’s the idea of being perceived as a failure.

It’s the idea that I am making a fool out of myself by putting myself out there.

It’s the idea that I will never be successful, in whatever success might look like. So now, I write this, to let go of those expectations and my ego and live fearlessly, without the cloud of judgement and need for perfection to hold me back.

What would I do if I didn’t subconsciously fear embarrassment and not having all the answers? What would my life be like?